Part 2: Your Marriage Matters

Why do even the healthiest marriages struggle?

Most couples don’t wake up one morning determined to wreck their relationship. Yet over time, many find themselves saying the same thing:

“We just drifted apart.”

Drift rarely happens through one dramatic failure. It happens slowly, when we repeat patterns we never intentionally chose. Patterns shaped by family history, cultural noise, past wounds, or simple neglect.

Drift is real, but so is choice. And Scripture has a lot to say about both.


Most Marriages Don’t Break. They Default
Jesus painted this picture long before modern psychology caught up. In Matthew 7:24, He describes two builders. Both heard the truth, but only one actually built on it. The difference wasn’t knowledge; it was application.

According to Jesus, wisdom isn't just hearing. It’s hearing and doing.

That lands differently when you bring it into a marriage. Most of us aren't lacking information about love, patience, or communication. We’ve heard the sermons and read the books, but relationships aren't shaped by what we agree with; they are shaped by what we actually practice.

Unhealthy marriages often look less like rebellion and more like a slow drift into familiar, lazy defaults.


The Gospel Breaks Cycles
One of the most liberating truths comes from 2 Corinthians 5:17: "In Christ… old things have passed away."

Your past may explain your instincts, but it doesn’t determine your future. Scripture consistently calls us out of "that's just how I am" thinking.

Deuteronomy 30:19 is blunt and beautiful: "I have set before you life and death… choose life."

So choose.


You Are Not a Victim of Your Story
This is where the Gospel becomes intensely practical. There’s a major difference between being wounded and living defined by that wound.

The book of Romans never denies that we suffer, but it never glorifies victimhood. Your history may contain real pain and real injustice, but Scripture insists on a powerful truth: You cannot always control what shaped you, but you can always participate in what reshapes you.

Transformation isn’t denying your past. It’s refusing to surrender your future to it.


Honor is Biblical
Romans 12:10 doesn’t frame honor as optional. It says, "Honor one another above yourselves."
 
Honor isn’t based on your mood, it isn't earned, and it isn't conditional on whether you agree with your spouse in the moment.

Honor is the decision to treat someone according to their God-given worth rather than your momentary frustration.

In a marriage, this is revolutionary. Honor stabilizes tension, softens conflict, and interrupts contempt.
 

Humility Gives Life to Your Marriage
Have you ever thought to yourself, "If I value their needs, mine will be ignored."

Past pain, unhealthy patterns, and disappointment can convince us that self-protection is the safest strategy. That feeling may be justified, but it doesn’t have to define your relationships.
 
Philippians 2, Paul presents a better way: "In humility, value others above yourselves."

This isn't about becoming invisible or losing your voice. It’s about abandoning the instinct to constantly rank, compete, and defend your own interests.

Most conflict isn’t caused by cruelty. It’s caused by two people trying to protect themselves at the same time.
 

Leadership Looks Nothing Like Control
Jesus redefined leadership in Matthew 20:26: "Whoever wants to become great must be your servant."

Leadership in marriage isn't about dominance or always being right. Leadership is responsibility expressed through service.

Serving emotionally, spiritually, and practically creates true intimacy.


Prayer is Protection
Couples rarely intend to replace God with self-reliance. It just happens.

Prayer fades, spiritual conversations thin out, and we start depending on human instinct rather than divine guidance.

Scripture ties relational health to spiritual dependence. You cannot consistently invite God into your inner world and remain rigid, prideful, or disconnected. Prayer recalibrates your perspective and softens your ego.


Discipleship at Dinner
Deuteronomy 6 offers one of the most grounded visions of spiritual life: "Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road..."

Faith was never meant to live solely in church buildings. It belongs in kitchens, on car rides, and in the middle of everyday interruptions.

This isn't "forced" spirituality. This way of living naturally and intentionally weaves the spiritual into the natural.


Small Shifts Create Incredible Impact
Healthy marriages are rarely built on dramatic gestures. They’re built on repeated, intentional choices aligned with God’s design.
 

• Honor when you’re irritated.
• Serve when you’re tired.
• Pray when you’re distracted.
• Choose when you’re drifting.

None of these feel extraordinary in the moment. But over time? They change everything.

Because marriages aren't ultimately shaped by compatibility or personality. Marriage is shaped by daily obedience, quiet humility, and Spirit-led intentionality.

One choice at a time.