Your Marriage Matters: God’s Design for Love, Honor, and True Intimacy

I don’t know anyone who gets married thinking, “This is going to be all about power and control!”

Most couples enter marriage believing the same things:

We’ll love each other forever.

We’ll always work things out.

We’ll be on the same team.

And yet, over time, even strong marriages can drift. Not because people stop caring, but because self-protection quietly replaces self-giving love.

That’s where Ephesians 5 speaks with clarity, honesty, and hope.


What Ephesians 5 Is Really About
Ephesians 5 is one of the most quoted and misunderstood passages in Scripture.

When read through the wrong lens, it can feel heavy or intimidating. But when read through Jesus, we see that it’s not about control or power. It’s about surrender.

Paul starts with a line we might skip over, but it reveals God’s heart for marriage:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
 
Before roles. Before instructions. Before expectations.

Mutual submission comes first.
 
This reminds us that God never designed marriage to be a power struggle. It was designed as a partnership shaped by Jesus.


Love and Submission Go Together
When Paul speaks to husbands, he doesn’t hand out authority, he hands out a cross:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

This isn’t sentimental love.

It’s inconvenient, sacrificial love.

Love that lays itself down.

Love that serves instead of demands.

Love that stays even when it’s costly.

When leadership looks like Jesus, submission doesn’t have to be enforced; it becomes a natural response.


How Marriages Actually Break Down
Most marriages don’t fall apart because people stop caring. They fall apart because self-protection replaces self-giving.

Scripture names two patterns that still show up in marriages today:
1. Blame-Shifting

It started in Genesis and it hasn’t stopped:
“The woman you put here with me…” (Genesis 3:12)

Blame protects self but damages connection. James tells us where it leads:
“Where envy and self-seeking exist, there is confusion and every evil thing.” (James 3:16)
 
2. Weaponizing Scripture
 
God’s Word was never meant to win arguments or control people. When Scripture becomes a tool for dominance instead of discipleship, everyone loses. Paul even warns against teaching that fuels pride, arguments, and division instead of Christlike living (1 Timothy 6:3–4).

The good news? God can transform any situation.


It’s Not About Getting It Right Every Time
Life is hard. Struggles are real. You aren’t supposed to pretend like everything is always easy.

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is to keep Jesus at the center. So when tempers flare, frustrations boil to the surface, and emotions feel out of control, Jesus can still be the steady presence in our marriages.

Even in those moments, we can choose to honor God by honoring our spouse. When honor is present, something beautiful grows:

• Trust
• Strength
• Confidence
• Stability
• Influence

Every marriage has its challenges. That doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human. And Jesus meets us there with truth, grace, and a better way forward.


Try It for a Week
Here’s a simple challenge for this week: Choose one intentional way to bless and honor your spouse, especially publicly and in front of your children.

Not to score points.

Not to impress God.

But to practice the way of Jesus in real life.

Marriage, the way Jesus designed it, was never meant to be about control or competition. It’s about love that lays itself down. Honor that lifts the other up. And two imperfect people choosing to keep Christ at the center of their relationship.

That kind of marriage doesn’t just shape a home, it reflects Christ to the world.