Stop Striving. Start Belonging - Why You’re Not An Orphan

“Where do I belong?”

That question lives in all of us. It’s not just the awkward middle schooler or the new mom struggling to balance life. Maybe it’s the college athlete whose plans were derailed by injury. Or the man or woman walking through loss—of a child, a spouse, or even a marriage.

Abandonment, isolation, and confusion leave scars that can haunt a lifetime. But Jesus cuts to the center of that pain with one sentence:
            “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

This promise turns uncertainty into confidence. You are His. You belong.


Story of Adoption
When I married my husband, I became a stepmom overnight. I read books, listened to podcasts, and we even talked about it with our pre-marital counselor, but nothing could have prepared me for those first couple of years.

Their biological mom was still in the picture when we got married, but within a few months, she left.
Without any goodbye, she stopped answering phone calls and texts, and invitations to school functions or sporting events were ignored.

At five and six years old, my children were asking the most gut-wrenching questions: Why did Mom leave? Does she love us? Why doesn’t she want to see us anymore?

Their dad and I did our best to soothe the pain, but if you’ve ever experienced abandonment, you know how deep those hurts go.

Here’s what I told them—and what I want to tell you: There is nothing wrong with you. You are a gift. Your value doesn’t decrease because someone else failed to see it. God made you on purpose, and His love doesn’t fail.

That’s why John 14:18 means so much to me. Jesus meets that ache for belonging with the promise of adoption.

Adoption redeemed my family’s story, and one of the most emotional moments of my life was seeing their new birth certificates with my name on them. Their past didn’t define them – they were claimed and chosen.

That’s exactly what God does for you in Christ. You are not an orphan; you belong in the family of God.


What Is the Orphan Mentality?
Despite knowing God loves you, it’s possible to still live like an orphan.

Orphanos, the Greek word for orphan, means more than “parentless.” It’s also means being abandoned, comfortless, and without identity. Spiritually, we can slip into the same mindset.

The orphan mentality pushes you into performance. But Paul warned the Galatians:
“After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” (Galatians 3:3)

Orphan mentality says: If I don’t perform, I’ll be abandoned. 
Adoption says: I am loved, chosen, and secure.


Orphan Doing vs. Heir Doing
You and God are the only ones who know the motivations of your heart, and there is a clear difference between orphan doing and heir doing.

• Orphan doing: Motivated by fear, desperation, and a need to earn love and acceptance. Characterized by striving, hustling, mimicking spirituality. Serving out of guilt or fear, hoping someone notices. Giving because you feel obligated or anxious about what others think.
• Heir doing: Flows naturally out of life in Christ. You act because you are already loved, accepted, and free. Giving from gratitude and overflow. Serving out of abundance, not obligation. Praying from delight, not duty.

Orphans try to manufacture relationship with God through spiritualism, but heirs simply enjoy the relationship Jesus has already secured.


Performance or Fruit
James 2:17 reminds us: “Faith without works is dead.”

But not all works are equal. Works born from striving are empty. True works flow from relationship.
On the outside, performance and fruit can look the same.

Performance: Mimics spirituality, uses “Christiany” phrases, seeks man’s approval. It looks busy, but it’s empty.
Fruit: The natural result of abiding in Christ (John 15). Your life reflects Him, and you’re rooted in identity, not fear.


The Spirit of Adoption
Paul speaks about the orphan mentality in Romans:
“The Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” (Romans 8:15–16)

The Holy Spirit’s role is not to shame you, but to remind you: You are God’s child. You are not an outsider begging for love. You’re an heir.

This changes everything:

• You don’t pray to prove yourself—you pray because you belong.
• You don’t serve for approval—you serve from an overflow.
• You don’t give from guilt—you give from gratitude.
• You don’t live in fear—you live in freedom as an heir.
• You don’t perform for you identity – you walk in it.

Walking It Out
Every time you feel the pull to perform, pause and declare:
I am not an orphan. I am His child. I am an heir.

Stop striving. Start abiding.

Stop auditioning. Start living.

Orphans hustle for love. Heirs rest in it.
You are chosen, claimed, and dearly loved.

Now go ahead and live like it!